a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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