She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
