how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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