He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
