you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
