I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Randomize
