12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
