non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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