i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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