i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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