Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
