Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
kristin has been a bad kristin
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
