I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
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I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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