when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
