I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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