No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I smell stomach acid.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
