you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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