I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
