It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
