i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We left the knife in your bed.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
