I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
