I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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