as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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