Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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