Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
