Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
why do cheetos always look like penises
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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