gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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