I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
