Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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