my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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