please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
