3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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