When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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