"it" just moved
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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