I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
