i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
