Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
