Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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