Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
