That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
