chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
