i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
