She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
