you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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