Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
