Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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