I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
