He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
