my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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