I smell stomach acid.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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