im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
