she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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