dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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