A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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