Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
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so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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