yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
