omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
