and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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