My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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