He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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