you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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