i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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