There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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