Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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