I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
