Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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