from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
