I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
