Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
