I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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