just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why are your pants in the freezer?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
