I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
