All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
