highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
